REFLECTION
Growing up with three sisters and parents who were a consistent presence for our games, recitals, and achievements, I’ve always understood success to be sweetest when it’s shared with loved ones and those who’ve been with you on the journey. In victory, ”we” is always better than “me.” But it was in the celebration after winning Super Bowl 36 that the motivational power of playing for others and being accountable to your teammates really crystallized for me.
When Adam Vinateiri’s kick sailed through the uprights, and the clock showed 00:00, it was euphoria. Our entire team rushed the field, coaches, staff, Mr. Kraft and his family, players’ families. We all hugged as the confetti rained down. There was the trophy presentation, and the celebration in the locker room, and the after party. It was amazing.
Then the next morning, I was in Orlando, at Disney World, for the parade for the Super Bowl MVP. Just me and some family. It was fun. I was really grateful. As a football player, that’s beyond a bucket list experience. But there was something different, and a little odd, about celebrating a team victory by myself. It wasn’t hollow, but it was incomplete.
The next day, I was back in Boston for the official parade. With my guys. It was freezing. The exact opposite of warm, sunny Florida. And yet, hundreds of thousands of people lined the streets in the cold to celebrate the Patriots first Super Bowl victory. The cheers were deafening as our duckboats rolled slowly through the city. The whole team was there. The whole city was there. The joy was overwhelming. It was one of the great days of my life. And I remember thinking: I never want to be the reason we don’t get to do this again. I am going to do everything in my power so that this team, this group of guys, has a chance to do this again and again and again (and again and again).
LESSON
There are two basic categories of motivation: intrinsic and extrinsic. Intrinsic motivation is the kind that comes from the pleasure of doing the thing itself, for its own sake. For the love of the game. Extrinsic motivation is stuff like rewards and punishments. For the love of money, prestige, status, validation, or for the fear of being penalized or judged or humiliated.
Most people will tell you that intrinsic motivation is inherently better than extrinsic motivation because it produces a deeper commitment that lasts longer than extrinsic motivators, which can go away quickly since they’re out of your control. But I think that distinction is kind of irrelevant, because both types have a ceiling, especially when they’re fundamentally about the benefits that accrue to you, the individual.
With intrinsic motivation, if it’s just about you and your personal satisfaction, then it’s very easy to make excuses for not showing up or not giving your all. You can negotiate and make deals with yourself about starting tomorrow, or doing better next time, and no one will ever know. You’ve only disappointed yourself–or at least, that’s what you tell yourself.
With extrinsic motivation, if it’s just about you and what you can get for showing up and showing out, then the issue becomes that it will never be enough. Eventually, however much it is you get—whether it’s money or accolades or validation—won’t excite or fulfill you anymore. The world is full of a lot of very unhappy, very rich people for this very reason. At some point, the number of zeros in your bank account or the number of cars in the driveway or the number of awards on the mantel is meaningless.
In either scenario, when that kind of you-focused motivation runs out, you’re left asking yourself, “what next?” and “why?” and “what’s the point?” That’s where accountability to others and not wanting to let your teammates down comes in as a source of eternal, renewable motivation, because it’s the perfect blend of intrinsic and extrinsic. It’s the emotional satisfaction and joy of simply being there for others and helping them succeed—which is never the same from one day to the next, and never gets old.
Giving always rewards the giver, as they say. Or as Anne Frank once wrote, “no one has ever become poor by giving."
APPLICATION
I was incredibly fortunate to grow up the way I did, and to see the value and motivating power of being there for others from an early age. I’ve played with and against a lot of great men who weren’t so lucky. Guys who grew up in poverty, who lived in their cars, who didn’t know where their next meal was coming from. For many of them, money was the motivator. What mattered was the next contract, because it meant security and freedom from worry for their entire family. Nobody could blame them or begrudge them one bit for that mindset. We will never know their struggle and should never judge how they played or what they played for.
We all come from different life circumstances. We're all motivated, at different times, by our history, by the expectations of people from our pasts, by the unconscious desire to heal our traumas. All these things change how we see the world and why we want what we want. But without a doubt, the greatest satisfaction I personally ever felt, that persisted long after the initial experience, to this day in fact, is playing for my teammates and winning with them. I got so much joy from the relationships I was able to build with guys from all over the map, from every walk of life. The memories we created together are more valuable and motivating to me than the career fulfillment of winning seven Super Bowls. Indeed, the greatest part of all those victories was sharing them with people who worked equally as hard, because in that shared struggle where we were pulling for and pushing each other, we created monumental life-changing experiences.
As I got deeper into my career, and I’d had more than enough success and won more than enough accolades by any objective standard, one of the questions I’d get from media all the time was about my motivation to keep playing. What kept me going? What kept the engine running and the fire burning? (It’s the question we all have to answer for ourselves, at some point.)
My answer was my teammates. Not just never wanting to let them down, but also wanting all the new guys coming in–the draft picks, the free agents–to experience the same joy and elation I’d experienced winning the ultimate prize as part of a team with a single mission and a we-first attitude. I wanted the same thing for all the guys in the Tampa Bay organization when I came there, as well.
Knowing that I could be a big part of helping to facilitate a childhood dream coming true for a rookie or a professional goal being achieved for a tenured vet, drove me to watch film, work on my footwork, run practice and compete just as hard in year 23 as I did in year 1. Being part of something bigger than myself and being accountable to my teammates didn’t just make me want to do the hard work, it made getting up for it easy. It made the work a pleasure, a daily source of joy and satisfaction for its own sake–which is the crux of where intrinsic motivation meets extrinsic motivation.
I’ve taken this attitude into my role as a father, an investor and entrepreneur, and as a partner in my team at FOX. I don’t want to let anybody down, so I work my ass off to be present, to be collaborative, and to be excellent. Finding and holding onto this kind of motivation has enriched my life in ways I never could have predicted, and I’m confident that if you can find your way toward a “we”-focused orientation in what you do everyday, whether as a parent or a partner, an employee or a business owner, an artist or an athlete, you will find a similar kind of enrichment.
As Gandhi said, “the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”
