REFLECTION
Likability is similar to personality in that it’s not one thing, it’s a combination of traits. It’s charisma, camaraderie, authenticity, aura, empathy, all wrapped up into how you engage with the world and the world engages with you. What made Tim McCarver so uniquely good at his job was how he was able to manifest those traits in his color commentary, delivering fantastic insights and sucking you into the action in such a way that you felt like he was letting you in on the secrets of the game.
It’s something I’ve become very conscious of in my own capacity as an analyst. From my first year in the booth, I understood that there’s an art and a science to broadcasting. I also learned that until you fully grasp the science, you can’t really get to the art of it in a way that fully showcases your personality and allows your likability to shine through.
It’s like mastering any complex skill. Playing quarterback. Playing jazz. Miles Davis didn’t become a pioneer of improvisational jazz until he’d mastered the musical fundamentals like scales and modes. But once he did, that’s when Miles Davis became “Miles Davis” and we got to see his full personality.
I started to nail down the fundamentals of broadcasting by the end of last season. And as I got even more comfortable with the science every game during this season, I was able to get more and more into the art of it. I got to put more of me (my energy, enthusiasm, expertise) into my commentary, through storytelling from my playing days and relatability as a fan of the game. The end result was moments like the NFC Wild Card game in Philadelphia where I explained how to throw into the wind. People could see I was in my element and that I loved this kind of stuff. It was a perfect combination: the science of throwing and the art of broadcasting, and people really seemed to like it.
But likability isn’t just relevant to broadcasting. It’s a critical component to success in any role where your job is to lead and relate.
LESSON
Is it better to be loved or feared? Probably the most famous leadership question ever posed. Over the years, people have built entire leadership philosophies around the answer to this question. But for Machiavelli, who posed it in “The Prince” back in 1532, the question was more practical: which provides a stronger foundation for authority and leadership, inspiring love or fear in those you lead?
Machiavelli came down on the side of fear, and I agree. I’d say maybe 75% of the teammates I played with were more reliably motivated by fear than by love. I wouldn’t be surprised if that number generalizes out to the level of society, too. Because praise is perishable for a lot of people. It’s like a drug. If they get it too much, it loses its effect.
Ideally, you have both, obviously. Love and fear, since neither is fool-proof by itself. Too much love, and you’re more likely to become soft and weak; you risk losing people’s respect and then losing control of things when you have to make tough decisions or deliver hard truths. Too much fear, and you become hated and distrusted. People don’t follow you because they want to, only because they have to. One false move and they come for your head.
The problem is that it’s hard to balance both love and fear and to sustain them in equilibrium. But I actually think you can have versions of both at the same time if you cultivate this collection of traits I lump together as ‘likability’ within yourself.
Charisma is the product of having something to offer people simply by virtue of being your authentic self. Not by trying to curry favor or shapeshifting as a way to conform to somebody else’s standards. If you can be genuinely interested in other people, you become a magnet they gravitate to—sometimes for answers, sometimes for insights, sometimes just to be heard.
Aura is the energy that others can feel when that charismatic, authentic self is comfortable and confident in its own skin. When someone knows their shit and has done the work. When you know they’ve been to the mountaintop and they don’t have to tell you, but you also know they’ll happily tell you all about it if it helps you accomplish your own goals. That’s aura.
Camaraderie is a sense of brotherhood, sisterhood, fellowship. It’s what you generate when you can make everyone feel like they’ve been to the mountaintop, too. Or at the very least, that they could get there if they wanted to. When you can make people feel like they’re part of the club simply by sharing what you know in an honest and earnest way, that’s a true super power.
And if you can listen to people, if you can be vulnerable with your insecurities, while being open to hearing and holding theirs, then you have the empathy necessary to lead different people through lots of different things.
We live in an era when AI is replacing mentorship and mimicking authenticity, where people are developing more parasocial relationships through social media than real friendships through social interaction. When it comes to spending time with friends, kids are more familiar with FaceTime than face time. But no amount of efficiency or instant connectivity can replace the draw of true likability. That combination of EQ and IQ, of charisma and aura and camaraderie–it’s a perfect recipe for the kind of deep admiration and love that can make even the most digital native stuff their devices in a drawer.
So what about fear? What makes likability unique is that it doesn’t eliminate fear, it flips it on its head. When you possess true likability, people don’t fear you, they fear letting you down and therefore letting themselves down. Or worse, letting down whatever team or unit or mission has brought you together.
APPLICATION
Leadership is all about holding the tension between love and fear as you ask people to believe in you and to trust that you will take them in the direction they want to go, no matter how windy or difficult the path might be. When I mentioned that likability is an under-appreciated leadership quality, this is why. Nothing smooths the rocky road to excellence like likability.
In my career, I played with hundreds of guys. They all saw how hard I worked. How much I lived for football, for winning, for the team. How much I cared for them and truly cared about seeing them become successful. It was part of my nature. I was born with this instinct, and it was nurtured by parents who were the same way with their family and friends. I grew up believing that if I made the investment to care about the people I worked with and spent the most time with, they would invest their trust in me. That’s why I put so much into preparation, into recovery, into getting to know my teammates and not letting them down. It’s why it was so important to me that I got out in front of them after losses and got behind them in victory.
A lot of likability came out of that dynamic. And while I hope all those guys loved playing with me (they definitely didn’t hate all the winning), I’m sure most of them were also motivated by the fear of letting me down, because they knew they’d be letting themselves and the team down in the process. And I’m fine with the tension there between love and fear. It wasn’t easy at first, when most of the guys were older than me, but eventually I got comfortable with it. Ironically, it wasn’t winning that did it, it was becoming a parent.
As a parent, you love your kids deeply. You want the best for them. When they do well, get good grades, be good citizens, you want to give them everything they want. But sometimes the best way to show you care is to instill a little bit of fear in them. Do your chores or you’re going to lose your gaming privileges for a month. Don’t do drugs or you’ll die in a ditch (sometimes you need to use a little of that ‘scared straight’ methodology). If you get bad grades because you didn’t study, say goodbye to summer vacation and hello to summer school.
Kids (like rookies) need to understand that bad behavior produces negative consequences while good behavior gets handsomely rewarded. And you need to set those expectations with them clearly. Make them understand that you know it might be hard, but that you know it’s for the best because you were in their shoes when you were their age. Make them see that when they win, the whole family wins. It’s a team effort.
That’s the essence of utilizing likability to balance love and fear. It works for sports teams, for families, for business units, for relationships, for any group of people joined together in common purpose. If you can lead with, and through, likability, you can achieve a level of excellence that is far richer and more fulfilling than anything you might achieve through brute force or good fortune. Because you will have done it with, and for, others; just as they will have achieved their goals with, and for, you.
When I look back at all we’ve done in my first two years in the booth with the FOX team, I don’t see a bunch of individuals with different titles and different tasks. It’s not KB on the play-by-play, EA on the sidelines, Rinaldi on the heartstrings, Mike Pereira on the rules, Rich Russo and Richie Zyontz in the truck behind the scenes. It’s a cohesive unit driven to excellence, grounded in the right values, and dripping with a kind of likability that generates mutual admiration and a healthy fear of letting each other down. It’s a bunch of people who lead by example, and lead with their hearts.
If you can help to create this dynamic in your professional life, you have a shot at the kind of impactful career Tim McCarver had in broadcasting. If you can take this lesson to all the other areas of your life, I can’t promise you will win at everything you try, but I can assure that you will never lose.
